Easter Footballers

I’m getting in early before the inevitable flood of Easter-related football posts… Egg-cellent!

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Jermaine Easter

Jermaine Maurice Easter (born 15 January 1982 in Cardiff) is a Welsh international footballer currently playing as a striker for Millwall.

Graham Easter (born 26 September 1969) is an English former professional footballer who played as a winger for Huddersfield Town, Crewe Alexandra, Preston North End and Northwich Victoria.

…And not forgetting Easter Road – the home of Hibs.

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Happy Easter everyone…

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Football Comedy – Ripping Yarns, Golden Gordon (BBC 1979)

BBC4 started re-runs of the classic comedy series from Michael Palin and Terry Jones, Ripping Yarns, last night.

Episode two of the second series of Ripping Yarns is ‘Golden Gordon’, a loving parody of a non-league football fan and Yorkshire football in general, filmed around Barnoldswick and Keighley.

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It is 1935. On a stereotypically cold, wet, windswept and bleak West Yorkshire hillside sits the Sewage Works ground, home to Barnstoneworth United. Once a mighty team in the Yorkshire Premier League, they have now fallen on hard times.

Barnstoneworth United haven’t won a match in six years. After losing 8-1 to Brighouse, depressed United superfan Gordon Ottershaw comes home and smashes the furniture in his house in fury (my Dad, half-jokingly, used to say that he came home and kicked the cat, Lofty [named after Nat Lofthouse] when Bolton lost). His wife Eileen (Gwen Taylor) quietly accepts this. She keeps trying to tell him that she’s having a baby, but he seems not to notice.

“Eight One – Eight bloody One! – And even that were an own goal!”

Ottershaw has been teaching his son (who’s first name is Barnstoneworth, middle name United) every detail of the club’s results, players and statistics (again, my Dad has an almost preternatural ability to recall the scores of every match he’s ever been to, dating back to the mid 1950s). Over dinner, having memorised the 1922 side perfectly, his father chimes in at the end, sighing as he speaks:

” Won none. Drawn none. One cancelled owing to bereavement. Lost 18.”

A die-hard supporter, Ottershaw laments the clubs latest troubles over his custard pudding:

”Centre forward’s off with boils, two half back’s are going to a wedding and the goal-keepers got a cold. Chairman’ll sort it out.”

The Chairman in question will definitely sort it out. He plans to sell the club to a scrap merchant and walk away from it all with some brass in his back pocket. His only opinion of Gordon Ottershaw is that:

”It’s a form of madness you know, wearing your scarf in bed.”

Barnstoneworth are in dire trouble. On the training ground you’re more likely to hear ” He’s got my shorts on”  and ” Can I go at half past six?” than you are any sounds of encouragement or tactical nous.  But Gordon has a brain wave. He will round-up all the best surviving ex-Barnstoneworth players for the coming Saturday’s cup tie against Denley Moor Academicals. That will save the club!

The idea comes to him when he’s visiting (nay pleading) with the scrap dealer not to buy Barnstoneworth United and sell his beloved club down the river.  The subject of when Barnstoneworth last won a game comes up… Quick as a flash superfan Gordon has the answer:

“October 7th, 1931. 2-0 against Pudsey.“

“Haggerty F, Ferris, Noble, Codren, Crapper, Davis, Sullivan, O’Grady, Kembell, Hacker and Davitt*. Davitt scored twice, once in 21st minute, once in 28th minute…”

”Davitt, he were hell of a player.” says the scrap merchant. ” He were bald weren’t he? Head like stainless steel.”

“That’s right. He once scored with the back of his head from 28 yards against Barnsley reserves in 1922.”

Saturday comes, and the Cup tie against Denley Moor Academicals kicks off. United only have four players (and three pairs of shorts), whereas the captain of the Denley Moor team is the famous Eric Olthwaite. Things look bad, but Gordon arrives with the old team who take to the field. Davitt opens the scoring with his bald head, and, shock of shocks, Barnstoneworth eventually win 8 – 1.

“8 BLOODY 1!”

‘Golden Gordon’ ends with Gordon smashing up his own home in celebration this time. Clock, photos, radio go flying out through the window as the Match of the Day theme plays. And it still hasn’t registered with him that his wife has been trying to tell him she is pregnant throughout the entire episode.

*The mighty Half Man Half Biscuit named their third album McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt in tribute to this episode, and the front cover is a still from the programme.

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See also A Visit to Gordon Ottershaw’s House, by Merrick Cork, which talks about the Yorkshire footballing inspirations behind the episode.

Behind the scenes at Spotland Stadium, Rochdale AFC

My brother and I were lucky and privileged enough to be given an impromptu stadium tour around Rochdale AFC’s Spotland ground on Saturday. We were en route to Manchester to visit the National Football Museum and decided to stop off at Spotland and Bury’s Gigg Lane on the way, to take pictures and have a look round.

After we’d taken some shots of the ground from the outside, we went into the Club Shop so I could buy a badge. I’m trying to buy a badge from every ground I visit these days. If only I’d done that for every ground I’ve visited since I was a kid! I’d have around 40!

We got talking to Stuart (Ashworth – the Retail & Projects Manager) about why we were there and what we were planning for the rest of the day, and he very kindly offered to take us into the ground.

My brother and I thought that he was going to let us get pitchside so we could take some pictures then show us out, but he took us all round the ground then behind the scenes, giving us a commentary as we went.

These are the pictures:

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Big thanks again to everyone who took time out to speak to us whilst we were there, and especially to Stuart for giving us such an intimate look behind the scenes of a football club on the morning of a match.

Rochdale AFC play in League Two, and are a real family club. We hope to visit there again and take in a match.

The Rochdale AFC website – www.rochdaleafc.co.uk

Follow them on Twitter – @officiallydale