NEAR POST – CONTRACT STIPULATIONS

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Following on from my article for Late Tackle magazine, “Fined for being fat and made to eat sheep testicles (crazy contract stipulations)”, The Away Strip (@footyquestioned) tweeted me to ask what contract stipulations I would make for which player.

This is what I came up with:

  1. ImageThat Peter Crouch refrains from limbo dancing, doing the robot, and avoids low bridges
  2. Goalkeepers get someone else to open jars of mayonnaise for them
  3. All new signings take compulsory advanced driving certificates and speed awareness courses
  4. Welsh players DO NOT have sexual relations with sheep, or eat their testicles
  5. Andy Carroll agrees to a compulsory short back and sides haircut

…And The Away Strip themselves have chipped in with:

“Daniel Sturridge  can never dance on a football pitch. Ever.”

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One thought on “NEAR POST – CONTRACT STIPULATIONS

  1. Lovely Job Mr Metcalfe.
    How about Joey Barton can only study philosophy if he promises never ever ever to talk about it with other human beings?

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